(1) Sad

      The day we told in class that we are fractured we said "we need prayer." we told that a man hurt us with words and it felt like when we were little: The man called and asked questions until I started to cry. I said, "I feel like you are attacking me. You are badgering me!" He said, "I am not badgering you" and he kept asking the questions.

     Three bad men and one of their wives were visiting in our class that day I told about being split. They were spying on our teacher because he tried to stop them hurting our church. One man was the one who hurt us with his words. I was so scared because he was there. When we told the class that he called and scared us and made us split more, we cried a lot. we were shaking so hard Jerry held his arm around us so we would not fall off the chair.  

     The bad people heard me say I am split.

     Every week I used to put people's prayer requests in the e-bulletin. After I said I am in counseling because I am split the elders took my name out of the bulletin and put in the name of the man who scared me on the phone. Now people have to give their prayer requests to him.

     Yesterday, the woman who sat in our class wrote to other people, "There is someone different to call on the prayer requests because the previous person said she is getting counseling and 'other things' which she stated herself in a class."

     I wrote to her, "I am sad that my being in counseling for having been the victim of incest throughout my early childhood makes me unworthy of putting other people's prayer requests in the bulletin. Love, Jessica"

     She wrote me back, "I have never and will never call you unworthy because I don't believe that.  As you noticed below I did not say what you said that Sunday even though you made it public."

     I wrote her, "Maybe not "unworthy" but "disqualified"? I'm glad my heavenly Father doesn't disqualify me for His service because of what my earthly father did to me!

     "I was not making anything 'public.' Our class is not 'public.' I was pouring out my heart to my brothers and sisters who are safe people I can trust to pray for me. I didn't think about the fact that the outsiders present might not be people I could trust to keep such a personal confidence."

      So I am sad. Now everyone knows I am split. They will not let us pray or put church members' requests in the bulletin because I am in counseling and I am split. I feel sad for the little ones. It is not their fault Daddy did those things to them and it is not their fault we are fractured. I am still proud of them!

      I am not supposed to talk about this at church. So I am telling you.