At first I was so compartmentalized--the compartments were so water-tight--I didn't know I was not a whole person. I did not even know I was not in touch with my own complete history. Each self thought she was all there was.
Then I became aware--co-conscious--of some of the others inside and got in touch with them and learned to know them. At that point we were separate and distinct.
Recently--since G asked us to keep a journal together--we seem to be at a stage where our edges are blurred and we work together as a kind of committee, pooling our opinions and knowledge and skills. My posts show evidence of that. When April was describing herself the other day one of the older ones was writing her thoughts for her, adding clarifying words like "veneer" and "interposed," which April didn't know but which described what she meant.
So does our journal. It isn't written in separate writing styles, some small, hesitant, and cramped, others scrawled and careless, others precise and determined, but all in the same adult hand. I don't think of "me" as opposed to "her," or individuate "Melissa," "Amy," "Jessica," or "Alexis" as much. It's mostly just "us."
Yesterday at our 2-hour session, G talked about--let's see, he didn't call it merging but it was some word meaning integration. He said we could when we're ready.
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