Monday, August 22, 2011

World views

     Life looks so bleak to me. Behind every door someone is hurting someone. Behind every door there is a woman or a child in pain. I can't help crying all the time. Who am I?


     Nothing works. From computers to can openers, nothing works the way it's supposed to and nobody cares. I don't have the patience to figure everything out and fix it. People can't speak grammatically any more and I find typos everywhere without trying to--even on menus in expensive restaurants. What is the matter with everybody? They don't care about quality. Their jokes aren't funny. They're stale. Everybody is thoughtless, selfish, superficial, careless and I don't want to be like this. I can't say anything that isn't critical, complaining and caustic. Who am I?


     The world is scary.  Everything is overwhelming.  I feel so small.  I just want to withdraw from the world and stay inside.  I don't know how to do anything.  Who am I?


     I can freeze without tightening a muscle. I can stay that way, comfortably, for hours. I can sob without making a sound. It is like being invisible or not existing. It makes me feel safe.


     I am mature, confident, competent, efficient, organized, godly and well-liked. People look to me to help them and I do. Who am I?


     I only come out in the dark, early hours of the morning and I worry about one thing after another, stay awake and worry. Toward dawn I slip away and she can sleep. Who am I?


     I like to play and tease and be silly and have fun. Jerry plays with me, takes care of me and makes me feel special. He likes me. Am I really __ years old?


     Life is easy. I like it simple, straightforward and structured. I read and pray and study Scripture and listen to classical music. Why get all involved in other people's lives? Why stress out like that? What is there to cry and get so emotional about? I have a good life. I'm very grateful.


     I want to do better. I want to be a better person. I am always falling short, I can't be good enough. I'm a failure at everything. How can Jerry stand living with me? I'm afraid he will leave. He deserves better.


     I don't need anybody. I'm better than almost everyone, more intelligent. I'm unique. I'm wasting my life with all these people. I should be hanging out with brighter, more interesting people.


                                                           WHO AM I?

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