(3) Changing of the guard

     When we saw G he said "New conflicts have caused lots of switching." He said, "If there are any dormant parts below or behind the inner reality, they have been activated. The system is in jeopardy of switching a lot. The activated ones are standing in the doorway looking out, watching to see what will happen. They will be more affected." Something like that. We wrote it down.
     He said we are incredibly wonderful mighty woman of God. He said "See if the little ones can remain in background in arms of Jesus" because these men are still scaring us when we see them at church. He said to build a wall of protection for the little ones. We said, "A bunker." That is what we wanted because we feel we are in a war and we don't want bombs to fall on our head. He said, "No, someplace nicer." But we want a bunker! Bunkers are strong. We saw them in Normandie. We can decorate it nice inside, like a soft nest with feathers and soft music and pretty colors and flowers.
     He said to pray "Lord, show me spiritually what I can do--fit something with nails and pegs, build a wall, a room of safety."
    We have not done that. he says we are at the back of the brain and sometimes he calls one of us to come to the front. I don't know where we are but mostly we feel safe. Someone told us big angels are marching to replace small angels who have been guarding us. She said Jerry and I have a big angel behind each one of us because we are called to a higher level of authority for a higher level of warfare. She said God called it the changing of the angelic guard. She said we are in God's hand and no one can touch us so we feel brave and safe.
     G said In the authority of Jesus, I bless all the parts, especially the little ones.
     We will talk to him again tomorrow. I want to know what our Daddy did to us.

(2) Scared

     These men and other men are doing bad things to our church. Just like Daddy, they say, "Don't tell. Don't tell." But we told. We told everyone. Now these men are very mad at us. They want to destroy us. So we feel very scared.
     Jerry and I are Prayer Coordinators for our church. These men do not want us to pray for our church. That one I told you got angry at us for asking people to pray for our church. He called us and said "Who did you ask to pray! What are you praying! Who made you prayer coordinator?! But HE did! So I was confused. He called us again and said, "Who told you about that meeting! You are not supposed to know about that meeting! It is confidential!" I said "I am sorry. I did not know it was confidential. Can't we pray for it anyway?" He said, "WE'RE praying!" so that meant no. But I don't think they are praying the same things we are praying. 
     They say "There are things the church people are not supposed to know. Don't talk about it. You will divide the church. Keep quiet until things settle down. Keep quiet until everything is in place." What things? I don't think they are good things.
     I will not be quiet. I will not protect perpetrators ever again.

(1) Sad

      The day we told in class that we are fractured we said "we need prayer." we told that a man hurt us with words and it felt like when we were little: The man called and asked questions until I started to cry. I said, "I feel like you are attacking me. You are badgering me!" He said, "I am not badgering you" and he kept asking the questions.

     Three bad men and one of their wives were visiting in our class that day I told about being split. They were spying on our teacher because he tried to stop them hurting our church. One man was the one who hurt us with his words. I was so scared because he was there. When we told the class that he called and scared us and made us split more, we cried a lot. we were shaking so hard Jerry held his arm around us so we would not fall off the chair.  

     The bad people heard me say I am split.

     Every week I used to put people's prayer requests in the e-bulletin. After I said I am in counseling because I am split the elders took my name out of the bulletin and put in the name of the man who scared me on the phone. Now people have to give their prayer requests to him.

     Yesterday, the woman who sat in our class wrote to other people, "There is someone different to call on the prayer requests because the previous person said she is getting counseling and 'other things' which she stated herself in a class."

     I wrote to her, "I am sad that my being in counseling for having been the victim of incest throughout my early childhood makes me unworthy of putting other people's prayer requests in the bulletin. Love, Jessica"

     She wrote me back, "I have never and will never call you unworthy because I don't believe that.  As you noticed below I did not say what you said that Sunday even though you made it public."

     I wrote her, "Maybe not "unworthy" but "disqualified"? I'm glad my heavenly Father doesn't disqualify me for His service because of what my earthly father did to me!

     "I was not making anything 'public.' Our class is not 'public.' I was pouring out my heart to my brothers and sisters who are safe people I can trust to pray for me. I didn't think about the fact that the outsiders present might not be people I could trust to keep such a personal confidence."

      So I am sad. Now everyone knows I am split. They will not let us pray or put church members' requests in the bulletin because I am in counseling and I am split. I feel sad for the little ones. It is not their fault Daddy did those things to them and it is not their fault we are fractured. I am still proud of them!

      I am not supposed to talk about this at church. So I am telling you.